


The View From a Passing Star

by gravy



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 12:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20115364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravy/pseuds/gravy
Summary: When he looks at Rei, it's like he's sinking.





	The View From a Passing Star

**Author's Note:**

> i only wrote this to cope :^/
> 
> maybe this is ooc but whatever

Sometimes it hurts too much to look at Rei.

Such a thing could be said by anyone, even just standing in his presence is overwhelming-- his charm, his grace... ironic as it is with his motif, he is like the sun. And how he plays on it. The man knows his audience. He knows _people_.

But for Madara, it hurts too much for an entirely different reason.

Rei burns too harshly, illuminating every crushing truth, memory, and scar. He knows too much about him-- probably more than Madara knows himself. When he looks at Rei, it's like he's sinking.

* * *

He's beautiful like this, Madara concludes. So pale already, but now just ethereal in this moonlight. Rei's lithe body is unblemished and so _perfect_ under his. And when he lays next to him with an expression that's so satisfied and blissed, Madara has to wonder how he had gotten so lucky-- how _he's_ the one that was left uncrushed.

"Mikejima-kun, will you hand me the light?"

Rei takes a long drag of his cigarette as Madara zips up his pants, stuffing his belt into his bag once finished. When he turns to look at Rei, he finds himself being watched already.

"What is it?"

"You know, you can't save everyone."

He doesn't need to be told that. He's seen what the effort has done to Rei. Looking at him now, spent upon the mattress, seemingly a shell of his former self. Everything Madara wants to protect and hopes to never become.

"I know that."

Rei only hums in response, reaching over to snap at the waistband of Madara's slacks teasingly. "Just don't push yourself too hard."

Madara has half a mind to storm out the door when hearing him. But he supresses the urge and opts to steal Rei's cigarette instead. He inhales deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs for a bit, letting it burn him inside before blowing it out through clenched teeth. Rei watches him, an amused smirk now donning his face.

"What's the matter, Mikejima-kun?"

Madara averts his gaze. "Hmm? I'm fine, I'm fine! Thank you for the concern thooough," he sing-songs.

Rei rolls over on the bed, facing away from Madara.

"Don't act so cocky." He looks over his shoulder. "Who's at home tonight?"

"My mother," Madara replies. Grits out, really. Then, bitterly, "and my sister, of course."

"Of course," Rei chuckles. "Papa is working late tonight?"

Madara doesn't answer.

Rei turns back around, reaching his hand out and touching lightly over his shoulder, letting his fingers dance over the dark, pink, spots left by his father.

"Run along then."

* * *

It's Trickstar that defeats fine-- it's Emperor dethroned and humbled. Madara should be happy that a revolution has come. But it all happens while can do little more than stand in the sidelines and he has no idea what to feel. From the light music clubroom, he watches the excitement and cheering from other students with half a smile.

"I thought you would be down there, Mikejima-kun." From the sofa, Rei flips through the pages of a magazine, head resting in his hand. "It's unlike you to miss out on such festivities."

Madara runs his fingers down the curtains. "I could say the same to you," he mutters, "all things considering."

"Ohh my," Rei clicks his tongue. "Do you think of me to be that scorned?"

Madara considers his words. A Dream Fest poster flies by the window.

"Rei-san," he begins, "if you could go back to when... if you could go back to last year, what would you do?"

Behind him, Rei is silent. Madara doesn't know if he can't answer or if he doesn't want to. But he finally gives in.

"Nothing."

Madara has to force a laugh. "Seriously?"

"Yes. I wouldn't change anything."

"Why not? You--"

"I know. I was hurt," Rei sighs, "broken... torn... I won't lie and say it made me a better person, because it didn't. And I'm not thankful for the experience because it should never have happened."

"So why..?"

Madara can hear him put his magazine down.

"Such tragedy brought us together, didn't it? Made some stronger, or pruned out the weak. Through it all, I'm still here, aren't I? I can no longer envision who I would be if nothing changed me, and I find myself no longer caring. The friends I've made and the idol I've become now..." Rei merely shrugs. "Simply put, life goes on."

Madara remains at the window, unmoved.

"But perhaps, this isn't about me... is it, Mikejima-kun?"

Silence cuts through the room. It's frustrating how Rei always knows.

Madara barks out a curt laugh. Now his fingers grip onto the curtains so hard that the knuckles turn white. "I couldn't do anything," he exhales shakily, "all those years and-- and I gave _everything_, I _gave_\--"

He doesn't even know when Rei had crossed the room to him, but here he is now, wrapping his arms around Madara's shoulders, burying his face into his back.

"I know," Rei says, "I know, you've done a lot."

"I couldn't--"

He can feel Rei's smile grow against him. "Foolish boy... Shinkai-kun has forgiven you long ago."

Madara shakes his head. "What about you?"

Rei loosens his hold, moving back to see Madara fully. "What are you--?"

Madara turns around and clenches onto Rei's blazer tight, gritting his teeth. "When I watched you fall. When I stood by and did nothing--"

"Mikeji--"

"I watched him trample you," Madara shudders. "I watched you all _die_ and I did nothing."

Rei stills. He looks down at Madara's hands, clinging onto him desperately. Rei faces up and sees how his eyes, once gleaming with mirth and excitment have dulled away.

"Mikejima-kun?"

_"I'm so sorry,"_ he wishes he could say. _"I'm so tired._

_"Why me?"_

_"No one told me it would be so hard."_

_"Don't throw me away."_

_"I love you."_

Madara's eyes feel so hot. His body feels too heavy.

"It shouldn't have been you."

"What is this now, Mikejima-kun..." Rei tuts at him with a smile. "Survivor's guilt? I didn't think you'd be one to hold onto such feelings."

Rei reaches up to wipe his face with his sleeve.

"You have a lot to let go of... didn't I say life goes on? You don't have to carry this weight alone."

Madara huffs out a laugh. "I don't need to hear that from you," he snorts. He can calm down from this, just a little. "Don't be such a hypocrite, Rei-san."

"Mmm," Rei hums, stroking down the hair of Madara's nape. "It seems we've a lot to learn from each other."

Madara sighs, tired and defeated, but somehow his pulse drums a beat faster now that his thoughts are finally out there. He isn't ready to let go just yet, but--

"Alright," Madara grins. "I'm listening."

**Author's Note:**

> [madara voice] aren't you tired of being nice don't you just want to go ape shit
> 
> anyway i have a lot of feelings for madara after ryusei bonfire and how he struggles with his obvious selflessness and selfishness in his pursuit to help everyone.. i hope we get to know him more in canon
> 
> thanks for reading


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